Essays

Dear Dad,

I’ve had a pretty good week. I’ve had two essays published. My essay “Searching the Heavens” was published in Margate Bookie’s Open Arms issue. It was the first essay I’ve written since you died that wasn’t about you. I almost feel guilty moving on and writing about other things. “Searching the Heavens” is about G3 and his interest in world religions. Even though the focus is on G3, I still did mention you in the essay. The best part of getting my work published by Margate Bookie is that it’s published both online (so it’s sharable and friends and family can read it) and in journal form (so I get to save it). I really enjoy working with the editor at Margate Bookie. He picked up and published my essay “Crumb Cake”—which, of course, was about you—in last year’s issue Reset. It was because that experience was so wonderful that I submitted again this year. I’m already looking forward to finding out what next year’s theme will be. You can read the essay here: https://margatebookie.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/The-Open-Arms-Zine.pdf?fbclid=IwAR0C33MfJqlvcyS_imvJYl5cle1eNwrsW3LvKLKEfpwJwg2I4mwG9faty-c

My essay “Apgar Grab” was published online in Dashboard Horus: A Birdseye View of the Universe, which publishes travel essays, stories, and poems. The essay details our chaotic quest to score a campsite in Glacier National Park last summer. I’ve never in my life experienced such an adrenaline rush just trying to get a place to sleep for a few nights. You can read that essay here:  https://dashboardhorus.blogspot.com/2022/06/elizabeth-jaegers-apgar-grab.html?fbclid=IwAR205PDm3EEgBO9Tans59wkMrrCmQlaiIdZrJYIRIFpX8wVvyjoxdBxBmtQ

If  you read “Apgar Grab” and it looks familiar that’s because G3 got his essay about the same event published last week. I think it’s kind of cool that we both wrote about the same thing and managed to get our work out into the world. G3 thought it was cool too. He said we’ll have to do it again. (I’m all for it. Anything to keep him writing.) In case you missed his essay, you can find it here: https://www.teenink.com/nonfiction/personal_experience/article/1159953/Summer-Vacation?fbclid=IwAR0-jD4_g1rXmYscjRSm7lxZnLZJsaPsXNnuhlD8CUB4fJ_pVUbSj-_6ecs

While G3 continues to have real work success, school remains frustrating. He is extremely bored. He writes well enough to feel confident sending his work to literary magazines and websites but he can’t seem to raise his English grade above a B. I wanted him in seventh grade English because I knew sixth grade would be too easy. The principal refused but she promised us that his teacher would meet G3 where he was. She didn’t. I’m not even sure she completely understood where he was or what he is capable of doing. Instead of challenging him, the differentiated instruction she provided equaled more work for G3. He was expected to do more in a shorter amount of time and she was grading him more harshly than his peers. How was that making him better or taking him to the next level? All it did was cause him anxiety. He would come home complaining about how much he hated to write. This was a kid who used to want to write for fun. When it came to writing essays, the teacher wasn’t teaching him any useful skills. She had a formula that she expected the students to follow. Their grade was based more on how well they plugged information into the formula than how well they actually could synthesize information and write. That wasn’t making G3 a better writer. It made him bitter because he had learned to work at a higher level, one that involved critical thinking, not formulas. We finally told the teacher to stop differentiating his work. He wasn’t getting anything useful out of it. So she let him do the same work as everyone else but she continued to grade it more harshly. Again, how does that help a kid? How does that encourage them or make them better? And she never gave him valuable feed back. There were never any extensive comments on his work. She never marked up a draft and had him revise. In a recent project, he was supposed to work with a group. But he was reading a book that was way too easy for him. He finished it in two days. The rest of his group read more slowly, but G3 didn’t want to wait for them to catch up. He did all the work himself, work that was supposed to be group work, and then he got in trouble with he let his group copy his answers.  While they were still reading the first book, he moved on to a second book in the author study. But because he didn’t stay with the group, because he wanted to not waste his time after he completed what he needed to do, she again penalized him in his grade.

Oh how I wish I could afford private school. 

Plus, we were told today that G3 no longer qualifies for speech services. Is his speech perfect? Absolutely not. When tested, he repeatedly made errors in the pronunciation of the R sound. But he isn’t getting services because his self esteem is good enough, that despite his speech impediment, he still answers questions in school. If he was embarrassed or ashamed then he would qualify. How freaking stupid is that? I raise my kid to be well adjusted and confident and the public school punishes him because of it. So I said to the speech therapist, “So if my son stops talking to his teachers and stops verbally answering questions, then he’ll get therapy?” She said, “Yes, but why would you want him to not answer questions.” My response, “Maybe then you wouldn’t fail him. Because right now, you have identified a weakness and you refuse to help my son correct it. You—and by you I mean the school— are failing him.” Sending him back to school, was a big mistake. He’s have been much better off at home.